Family Bliss · Project: Full Life · Random & Personal

What does having three kids teach me?

I got the whole world in my hands!

On this gloomy weather, with a bad case of congested nasal passages and ongoing high blood pressure, I decided to take things slow. And, when I shift to this mode, I always end up thinking about my loved ones especially my husband and my kids. Consequently, I end up analyzing my relationships with them. Being a mom has changed everything about me as a person. So, I thought that I’ve already mastered the life of being a mother and that there is nothing else that would surprise me when our third baby is born. I was wrong. So, yeah, there are lessons/realizations that come with my third baby.

That I am not enough. When I only had two children, I felt like I can carry the whole world with my hands. Look at the picture above, it’s screaming with “I always felt like that the two most precious treasures in the world fit perfectly in my arms.” When baby V arrived, I realized how wrong I was. I needed to stay grounded and by that I mean I have to accept that I am not enough for my kids, that I cannot protect them 24/7 nor shield them from the pains and cruelties of this world all their life. They need God and so do I. With God, everything is enough.

That it’s okay not to be enough as much as it is okay not to be perfect. We are after all created to co-exist with other human beings. We are wired to need others and serve others as well. So, I welcome help from my family when it comes to taking care of my family because I know that I am not enough, what I do is not enough. Rather, doing my best in everything I do is what matters. If you give your best then there will be no room for regrets. And, that my best today can still be better tomorrow.

That I am a helicopter parent and my helicopter parenting is not good for my kids. My daughter who used to be clingy now wants to sleep in my sister’s room. I allowed her one time when my husband was away for work and she was having a bad cough. But, since then, she has not come back to our room. Sometimes, out of sheer frustration, I guess, from my rules, they say things that hurt me. Remarks such as – “You’re not my mom!” “I love daddy more.” “You always scold us.” These words hurt even though I know they do not mean them. My helicopter parenting I guess is making them more curious about what it’s like to defy my rules. It’s turning them into rebellious kids too and once they experience defiance, they get the hang of it. I need to tweak my parenting style, from authoritarian to a more nurturing, diplomatic and pro-learning ways. I noticed that my son seeks for my approval even for the most trivial matters and he becomes scared to disappoint me.

That I am attached to my kids as much as they are to me. While it is common among us parents to miss our kids once we get our most coveted chance to be alone with ourselves or with our partners, I was surprised how I burst into tears and drown in sadness during our four-day hospital stay when I gave birth. I miss my children in a very lonely and almost frantic way. I must constantly remind myself not to lose myself in this motherhood thing. That’s the first pitfall. Motherhood is just a part of who we are. It’s not our wholeness.

That I need my husband and I am/we are lucky to have him with us. With our busy lives, it is not uncommon to ignore our partners’ efforts. We think it’s their duty to do the things they do. But, even if they are their duties, it would be very encouraging and positively powerful to let them know/feel how much we appreciate them. Everyone wants to be appreciated in this life. No matter how busy we are, it is our duty to honor and love our husbands. Appreciating their parenting efforts is a good start.

That each child is unique, indeed. Well, I know already that people have their own individualities but I find it amazing how little children who came from the same parents, who live in the same house, follow the same rules and eat the same food still grow up very unique from one another. I have a sweet child who likes to stick with the rules and always seeks my approval. I have a tough and independent one and the other is a brewing reserved and unsmiling elusive one, just like her mama.

I’m sure this motherhood journey is not yet finished in teaching me life lessons. In fact, I feel it has just started. Well, keep them coming. I’m all excited! Have a blissful weekend and be safe always.

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